I am not Scrooge! Hear me roar!

Relax. I forgot that what word meant. I, yet again, have gotten so caught up with work and Christmas shopping (ugh) that I have totally lost myself. My attitude, oftentimes, have turned sour. I got snappy at people at work and at my family. I have been neglecting to give my pets enough attention. I am once again caught up in a routine that is slowly eating away at me. Here is a run-down of my average day:

• Wake up
• Cook breakfast
• Shower
• Get ready for work
• Throw food at the bunnies and say goodbye
• Drive-thru Starbucks
• Work
• Maybe swing by a bar with some coworkers for a few
• Home
• Tv
• Bed

Routines. Routines. I hate routines. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a very organized person that likes to always have a plan. But it is those routines that put me into such a boring rut. I want to go out of town and do stuff. I want a companion to do these things with.

I was reading Kristi’s blog (she was my roommate and Big in AOPi) and it really got me thinking about my up-to-the-moment-life: relationships, work, and most importantly; discovering myself. I know that sounds cheesey, and I don’t mean to sound like a drag. In fact, this post is meant to be the opposite of depressing.

I promised myself and everyone who reads this blog that I would never write something as personal as relationship crap. I feel like it really puts my heart on my sleeve and I just don’t want everyone to know what is going on. But for the sake of getting things off my chest, you’re stuck reading about this. Sorry.

You see, I’ve finally started to get back into the whole dating thing again. I’m not going to say who it is or how we met, but that’s right. I’m dating again... or whatever you want to call it. It can get a bit frustrating because he and I have had “the talk” many times about our status. Yet, we haven’t gotten very far with it. I came out of a very long relationship that left me feeling broken. I’m terrified of getting back into the routine of relying on someone or revolving my plans around another person. I don’t want to feel like I’m married. I don’t want to hurt another person. Most importantly, I don’t want to get myself hurt.

But do I let fear hold me back? I mean, if that’s the case then I would never have another boyfriend as long as I live. I would never get married. I would just sit around and be alone the rest of my life. That also scares me. Which is why as much as starting a new relationship scares me, I think I’m ready...

As hectic as my life can get, I am really grateful for what I have right now. I like living alone (although I miss the companionship of roommates), and when I’m feeling a little down-in-the-dumps, I get myself put together, grab a tall nonfat Starbucks caramel macchiato, and hop over to the mall. Mmmm.... retail therapy should come with a warning label. Even if I’m just window shopping, it makes me happy. Just having that “me” time is what brings me back down to Earth. It sure beats sitting around at home, stuffing my face with food and watching my recorded shows.

This brings me to my next point about finding that perfect medium between having time for yourself and sharing your time with a significant other. With my most previous relationship, we both relied on each other for plans and what to do on a day-to-day basis. I can’t let this happen again. As much as I may love to be around the other person, I believe it is important to have your own time to do what you love. If you both happen to love the same things--then that’s fabulous. But don’t forget to do what makes yourself happy, and don’t revolve your life around somebody else’s.

I don’t know where this whole therapy session came from, ha ha. If you know me or have read my past entries, you’ll see that I’m always sarcastic and scatter-brained. I guess a good dose of seriousness never hurt anyone, though.

I came home to visit my family for an early Christmas. I think this is what is setting off my mood. I love being in this house with our warm fireplace. Even though I was severely hung over today (don’t get me started!) and I burnt my mouth on hot chocolate, I’m much calmer and feel less stressed.

So to put myself back into the holiday spirit, here are some things that I’m very grateful for:

• I’m grateful for having two parents who have always supported everything I’ve ever wanted to do.
• For being born into a diverse family and knowing a second language.
• Getting a great job right out of college (that actually pertains to my undergrad degree), and during such hard economic times.
• Meeting some great new people that I’m proud to call my friends.
• Still keeping in touch with my closest friends from grade school, high school, and college.
• Being able to afford to live on my own.
• Never going off the “wrong path” and gotten myself into sticky situations or drugs (haha sounds lame, but seriously, so glad I’m not a crack head!)
• For having traveled to many countries and learning about other cultures.
• Not being in debt (hallelujah!)
• Being proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished so far in life.
• Being proud of myself for handling the stress and depressing situations that have come out of relationships.

See? I’m not always negative/silly/retarded/idiotic. I really love my life. I guess it just takes something as simple as typing it out to make me feel better.

I wish everyone a fantastic holiday week. Go be with your families or with someone you love. Relax! Eat! Blow money on something you really want! Go crazy! Cuddle! Be happy!

Cheers!

I love my parent's house... especially the fireplace : )